Chapter One: Love advice from a thief?

As Mr. Quicky has his back towards the trio. Sarah notices her colleague Fiona starring at Mr Quicky’s arse.

‘This has got to be him. James Gardener aka Mr Quicky?’ Fiona asks.

‘That’s me!’ he says, without turning round.  

‘Drop your weapon, put your hands up and turn around slowly!’ shouts Maria to Mr Quicky.

‘Focus, Fiona,’ whispers Sarah.

‘I am focusing,’ smiles Fiona still looking at Mr Quicky’s arse. 'Surrender Mr Fine Arse and put your weapon down right now!’ Fiona purred.

‘Stop flirting with the convict!’ Sarah chastises her.

‘Come on, Maria! We have to appreciate the beauty of the male body,’ chuckles Fiona.

‘I am sure his new inmates will appreciate the beauty of his male body too!’ says Maria.

As James Gardener turns around. Maria delivers a drop kick landing on his chest knocking him to the ground whilst Sarah grabs his gun and Fiona detains and arrests him.

‘Woo hoo! Captured another hot convict! Guys, if all the convicts are this hot, I can’t keep arresting them,’ says Fiona. 

Maria hugs Fiona and starts laughing, leaving Sarah to radio for backup as she shakes her head at Fiona.

‘You know girls, I can improve your love life if you let me go?’ James smiles, blowing Fiona a kiss.

‘Uh thanks, but no thanks!’ Maria replies, quickly pulling Fiona away.

‘Wait! Let me at least consider his option,’ Fiona cries.

Maria quickly pulls Fiona out of his way. ‘Come on you.’

The arrival of the backup team can’t come quick enough. Sarah smiles upon their arrival and the fabulous trio leave the crime scene and head back to the station.

On the journey back to the station the team see a clumsy villain trying to steal from an older man. The thief has a banana in the pocket of his long brown mac. Standing on his tip toes he points the banana in his coat pocket like a gun towards the older man. The older man is extremely tall and towers over him. The team instantly pull up at the scene to help the victim.

‘Hand me your wallet and I will take any more donations that you can give me please,’ screams the thief.

‘You are trying to rob me and you also want donations?’ asks the older man looking confused. ‘Yes, times have become even harder for us thieves I'm afraid. I have to rob twice as many people these days. It has become quite exhausting being a thief!’ says the clumsy thief.

‘Why don't you just get a proper job?’

‘This is my job!’ answers the thief. ‘I have shift times to rob just like a job. I just need your cooperation as I have a very tight schedule to stick to.’

The fabulous trio race to the scene.

‘Don't move! Drop your weapon!’ shouts Maria aiming her gun at the thief.

‘Ah jeez,’ says the thief, ‘I've got to get my Christmas list out the way!’

Sarah creeps in from behind and tackles the thief while Fiona makes sure that the older man is okay. The fabulous team arrest the clumsy thief and put him in the back of their car to take to the station.

Fiona stares mournfully at the phone in her lap.

‘Guys, why hasn’t he called me? He said he would meet up with me later today and I cooked him that gorgeous meal!’ she says sadly.

‘I'm surprised that he’s still alive after eating your meal,’ quips Maria. Sarah and Maria look at each other and laugh. 

‘You're making yourself way too available!’ the thief chips in.

Sarah stops the car. The trio look at him in disbelief.

‘What do you possibly know about dating?’ asks Fiona looking puzzled.

‘Yeah, what do you know? You use a banana as a weapon… You’re not even the authority on stealing, let alone relationships!’ says Maria.

The thief clears his throat and puffs out his chest.

‘I have been a successful thief for many years now and yes, I use a banana as a weapon because I mean no harm when I am collecting my donations.’

‘Your donations?’

He shrugged. ‘How else will I complete the Christmas list?’

The trio start laughing.

‘Anyway,’ he continues looking pointedly at Fiona, ‘you need to be mean to keep the guy keen! I was married for fifteen years until my wife robbed me and I have never been the same since.’

The girls exchange a look as he starts sniffing.

‘Oh, you poor thing!’ says Fiona.

‘She stole everything – including my heart!’ sobs the thief dramatically.

‘That is incredibly sad, but absolutely no excuse to rob anyone!’ says Sarah.

‘I know,’ he replied shaking his head, ‘but it was as if I fell into a dark hole and couldn’t find my way out.’

The thief wipes away his tears with his stolen handkerchief. ‘I robbed everyone except my wife and then she betrayed me!’ he wails.

‘Do you really think that if I am mean to men, it will keep them keen?’ asks Fiona curiously.

Maria rolls her eyes.

‘Oh yes,’ says the thief. ‘We men love to do all the chasing; it helps keep us interested.’

‘You know what, I’m hungry and this guy has some serious issues! Let's get some food!’ says Fiona.

‘Thief, we will still keep you cuffed,’ says Sarah firmly.

‘But you can join us too!’ smiles Fiona.

‘Fiona, you always get way too attached,’ says Sarah shaking her head.

‘I haven’t had a hot meal and female companionship in a while,’ says the thief looking downcast. A tear rolls down his cheek. ‘I must change my ways.’  

There is an awkward silence as they pull up in the car at the Monroe’s restaurant.

‘Wow!’ the thief mutters, staring at the enormous chandeliers and black marble tables.

They become aware that they are being stared at by most of the customers as the thief trails after the beautiful trio.

‘I thought this place was exclusive,’ a lady complains, pulling a face at her husband. She grabs her Louis Vuitton handbag, leaving her husband to quickly pay and chase after her.

The waiter seats them at a table and takes their orders and quickly brings them their food whilst giving the thief a few odd stares.

‘By the way, what’s your name? We can’t keep calling you the thief!’ says Fiona.

‘My name is Josh’ he replies smiling. Josh kisses his juicy burger, removes his hat and says a quick prayer before taking a huge bite of his expensive burger. The team introduce themselves to their new friend Josh. Josh takes a long look at Sarah. ‘Sarah, you have a tough exterior. What are your issues with men?’

‘We don’t have all night, Josh, for me to answer that question,’ says Sarah firmly flickering her platinum blonde hair behind her shoulders.

‘Oh my, you have more issues than Fiona!’ replies Josh. Fiona and Maria start laughing.